Last year, between the two of us, we watched an average of 317 movies.
This year our goal is to top that by watching at least one a day.
And as an extra special torture, we've decided to write about all of them.

19 April 2008

The Hive, dir. Peter Manus (2008)

STEVE says:
Two minutes in and we were ready to shut this off. I don't know why neither of us brought it up - maybe we thought we deserved this after so many good horror movies - but we didn't. We suffered through it.

In 2005 Tom Wopat could be seen on Broadway, playing James Lingk in Glengarry Glen Ross. Now he's appearing - top billed, but still - in Sci-Fi Channel shite like The Hive. Tom, can I send ya a few bucks?

I don't know what to tell you: Ants decide they're taking over Thailand or something; some exterminators are called in but the ants have become self-aware and are able to create tentacles and smash people to the ground. Pseudo-scientific jargon is bandied about, lines like "We don't negotiate with ants" are delivered without a trace of irony, then suddenly there's a giant ant made up of billions of ants, a glowing alien mosquito-looking thing, Wopat becomes a suicide bomber and then it's over.

This ranks right up there with Shockwave. Avoid at all cost.


NIKKI says:
The streak had to run out sometime.

If if wasn't midnight, and I wasn't really tired after work, I would have turned this off. Thinking about it now, I turned it off in my head about 20 minutes in. I thought Steve was going to query why I was bringing up random things to him during the movie. It was because the movie was going on in front of me, but in my head I was thinking about my writing, my drum lessons, Steve's play, my dog, work, anything.

I thought we would get a crappy-but-fun little ant movie. But it was horrible and dumb. It had big wormhole-looking ant cobras floating about making pattens of DNA.

Ugh, that's all I can say. You get it.


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