Last year, between the two of us, we watched an average of 317 movies.
This year our goal is to top that by watching at least one a day.
And as an extra special torture, we've decided to write about all of them.

09 August 2008

Zombie Strippers, dir. Jay Lee (2008)

NIKKI says: That title alone means there was no way we weren't going to watch it. Zombies and strippers? Someone's been reading our dream journals again!

But how shit was it? Amazingly so. I'll admit to enjoying Jenna Jameson sashaying about covered in blood, but I can't really find anything else to praise about this. A few good bodies, maybe, but most of them were very worked-on. Hmm... but then, what can you do with zombie strippers to make it any good at all?

Here's what this one did: a zombie-bitten soldier stumbles into a strip club and bites Jenna during the second of her dances (she does about five in all). Jenna then dances while zombified and steals a dude to take out the back for a lap dance of a very special kind. The patrons love the zombie strippers and start ignoring the non-zombie strippers. The boss of the club sees his opportunity and kind of revels in all his ladies turning into the undead. Of course, the soldier's party comes to claim him and end up having to sweep the club of it's moral filth!

So, a loose plot wrapped around a lot of soft-core dancing, and even some fun with ping-pong balls (and a billiard ball -- how does Jenna do it, why does she do it?). If the chicks were less plastic, I might have been able to ignore the bad plotting. It had some crazy moments, some funny bits, and a really good effect of a stripper snapping a guys head in half by opening his mouth to wide. Otherwise, it was lame.


STEVE says: Hang on - Zombies and strippers? That's two great tastes that taste great together! How did it go so wrong?

Too much stripping, that's how. Never thought that could be a problem, but yes. The first half of the movie is heavy on the Strippers, light on the Zombies.

What's wrong with that?, I hear you ask. Well, I don't want to watch a video of someone stripping. Stripping is meant to be live and, pardon the imagery, in-your-face. Video is fine for full-on porn. It's what video was invented for. But watching these women strip on TV is about as enticing as disrobing a Barbie doll. Sure, there's nudity - but what are you going to do with it?

There's a lot of philosophy thrown about at random, some war metaphors, fake boobs and bad CGI effects. (Although the practical effects were pretty cool.) Nothing I haven't seen done before, and done better.

On the up-side, I never knew Robert Englund could be so funny. As a card-carrying member of the NRA, Englund pulls out a cache of guns when the Zombie onslaught finally gets under way, and admits he has no idea how to fire any of them. "Well, um... Something about the safety being off. Saw that in a movie." When he's later disarmed by an awkward swipe from a Zombie Stripper, he giggles like a nervous little girl and says, "Do I suck, or what?" Ironically, he's the only thing about Zombie Strippers that doesn't.