Last year, between the two of us, we watched an average of 317 movies.
This year our goal is to top that by watching at least one a day.
And as an extra special torture, we've decided to write about all of them.

09 June 2008

Conspiracy, dir. Adam Marcus (2008)

NIKKI says:
It's been so long since we've watched a Val Kilmer movie. When I saw this cover, it was the last thing I expected to see him in -- the big gun, the fire in the background. That cover looks more like a Van Damme pic, or, at the very least, Vin Diesel.

But covers can be deceiving. This is not a shoot 'em up, but the story of a decorated veteran searching for his friend. It has its share of violence and blood, but it's really about a man solving a mystery, forging on through the barriers in New Lago that want him out of town and far away from the secrets of the small imitation-Western town.

Val, really, made the film enjoyable. Were Vin Diesel or Van Damme in the lead, it may not have been so successful, because apart from the humanness of the main character, little about the film was truly memorable. The bad guys were just too over the top, and the fact that the town was decked out to look like the OK Corral added a heavy-handedness to the whole thing about good and evil and right and wrong and black coats and white coats. That aspect of it bordered on the absurd, and I don't think that's what the movie was going for.

"This cowboy hat is all the protection a man should ever need," says Gary Cole as he walks onto a construction site. Right.

Cole and his cronies were way over the top, too. Just beating Val senseless whenever they could. I don't know of anywhere in the world where the authorities have that sort of power, or bloodlust, even. It could have been authentic, but here we had battles in public, Cole never once trying to hide his disdain for Kilmer, and then they shoot him (or do they?) and you think: Who in this town is NOT going know who did that?

So, the movie had its issues. But it was interesting enough, and Val was good to watch as the stealthy vet with one leg who gets his own back at every turn. The ultimate message? War is bad? America is run by evil megalomaniacs who will go to outrageous lengths to ensure their wells of cash keep flowing? Tell us something we don't know.

2.5/5

STEVE says:
Nikki is spot-on when she compares this to a Van Damme flick. It had the same kind of over-the-top violence and leftist agenda that his films tend to have. Throw Val Kilmer into the mix, and I can't help thinking that maybe this movie knew it was going down that road and might have been something of a satire. But probably not, huh?

Y'know what else it reminded me of? An episode of The Incredible Hulk. Not any specific episode, just Hulk in general. That show (most shows that follow the Les Miserables template, actually) followed the same basic premise for most of it's five-year run: David Banner stumbles into a new town in search of a cure, befriends a waitress, ends up on the wrong side of the law, generally overseen by a corrupt sheriff who happens to be the waitress' abusive father, brother or husband, and Hulks out halfway through, only to get bested by the sheriff and his men, run away, recover, and come back to Hulk out again in the end, saving the waitress and kicking the sheriff's ass.

Conspiracy followed that formula to a T. It was uncanny, really. Kilmer stumbles into New Lago in search of his friend, befriends a shop owner, ends up on the wrong side of the law, overseen by a corrupt businessman who happens to be the shop owner's abusive boyfriend, and Hulks out halfway through, only to get bested by the businessman and his men, run away, recover, and come back to Hulk out again in the end, saving the shop owner and kicking the businessman's ass.

This is so cool - these things write themselves! Check it out:

Van Damme stumbles into town in search of some loot, befriends Rosanna Arquette, ends up on the wrong side of the law, overseen by a corrupt sheriff who happens to be Rosanna Arquette's sometime lover, and Hulks out halfway through, only to get bested by the sheriff and his men, run away, recover, and come back to Hulk out again in the end, saving Rosanna Arquette and kicking the sheriff's ass.

It's like Mad-Libs! Try it at home, it's fun!

2.5/5