Last year, between the two of us, we watched an average of 317 movies.
This year our goal is to top that by watching at least one a day.
And as an extra special torture, we've decided to write about all of them.

11 February 2008

Pumpkin Karver, dir. Robert Mann (2006)

STEVE says:
With a "k". That should have been our first clue that what started out as a promising low-budget slasher flick would soon turn into yet another shitty movie with annoying teens who you can't wait to see killed off.

We called this one early on - turns out it's just another take on the Fight Club gag of the the protagonist being the antagonist - so we spent pretty much 70% of the movie with a "get on with it" attitude, which didn't help.

And I'm sorry but this is a slasher flick, not The Bells of St. Mary's - is it too much to ask for a little nudity anymore? Especially in a movie with actresses named, no kidding, Minka, Mistie, Rachelle, Briana, Amber and Charity? I mean come on!


NIKKI says:
They become harder and harder to resist, these krazy slasher flicks that some folks make with no money and no talent. I think it's time we stop telling ourselves "never again" and start saying "bring them on!" It's our own form of self-torture, and it's time we embraced it!

Oh god, this was the height of LAME. As soon as the guy with horns started feeling up the pink-bra-ed sister, I knew we were in for something beyond crappy. Good movies just don't start like that. And then the guy sprays beer on the main kid and burps in his face. Well, you just know he'll die, and you have a sneaking suspicion the kid will do it.

We then head to a party a year later complete with sluts, slags, a creepy old man, stoners, and a shitty band. People get wasted, no-one noticing they're missing until too late, the killer never gets so much as a drop of blood on himself, no one sees him ever setting up his elaborate kills, or going mildly insane, talking and screaming to himself.

It's all so convenient, so thrown together in a day or two. And, as Steve lamented, not a single boob. Failure at every level. Here's hoping there's a sequel.


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