Last year, between the two of us, we watched an average of 317 movies.
This year our goal is to top that by watching at least one a day.
And as an extra special torture, we've decided to write about all of them.

30 January 2008

Pelts, dir. Dario Argento (2006)

STEVE says:
Dario, you're better than this.

Pelts didn't suck. It was no Chocolate, not by a long shot, and it was better than your first entry, Jenifer. But it wasn't great. It wasn't Homecoming great, or Black Cat great. With those, Dante and Gordon (respectively) managed to make an hour of TV feel like a cinematic experience. The Black Cat is the reason we've taken to including the Masters of Horror segments in this project. But Pelts just felt like TV.

And you're no stranger to TV. We've seen Do You Like Hitchcock? and quite liked it - actually liked it a lot more than your cinematic offerings of late. So what went wrong? There were bits that looked like Argento - the kid with the trap, for example, and the woman sewing her face up - but they felt like they were done by someone else entirely. Like you didn't have your game face on.

What's the story, Dario? Do you need the money? Was this just a paycheck to you?

Don't get me wrong, I'll still be there for La Terza Madre - finishing off your Three Mothers trilogy after nearly 30 years, how could I not be? - but a little part of me wonders if it'll be worth it...


NIKKI says:
All together now... "meh".

I think we both said it when this ended. Not a horrible entry in the series, but nothing to rave about. The film was graphic and gross as far as the effects, but just not as gripping and hair-tearing-out tense as Dario often is. Still, even at his shittiest, Dario is a cut above most horror directors, which is probably why this didn't wholly suck.

And, imagine, a Masters of Horror episode by an actual Master of Horror. It had to happen eventually.

Meat Loaf is a guy who collects and sells "pelts" -- I'd never heard that word before, and prior to finding out thought this was a film about heavy rain. Meat then sells the pelts for good money. The better the pelt, the more cash he gets. So, when crazy John Saxon interrupts Meat mid-lapdance to offer him the best pelts ever, Meat is intrigued. He goes to get them and finds Saxon and his protege dead. Not just dead, really dead -- Saxon with his head beaten crudgy via baseball bat, and the kid with his head chopped in half longways in a bear trap (watch this movie for that scene -- it's foul).

So, we learn the pelts are from a mysterious raccoon tribe and their spirits are making those who come in contact with the soft fur do horrible things to themselves.

What Meat ends up doing has to be seen to be believed. Now, that's horror.

Didn't hate it, didn't love it. Didn't ever need to see Meat getting rubbed up by strippers.


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